In this dog eat dog world, manipulation seems to be the way to the shortcut to success. Many times, people who deserve success get bypassed by people that manipulated themselves around the deserving people. Of course, when one gets what he or she wants via manipulation, they usually only find themselves at the top for a short while before falling all the way to the bottom. Unfortunately, in many cases, the people who once deserved the success don’t always get a second chance. Sometimes this has to do with the fact that they give up hope when they are bypassed, or sometimes the people who were manipulated decide they don’t want to get burnt again and don’t pursue the opportunity any longer.
If you have ever been in a situation where you did something that you never really wanted to do and can’t give a good reason why you did it, only to find that you keep doing it, or perhaps you thought you were madly in love with someone, but you didn’t know why even when they were verbally, emotionally, or physically abusive, or if you ever find yourself justifying the actions of others, chances are, you have been or are currently being manipulated.
Anyway, here are some of the top ways people manipulate others. Knowing what to look for will help you avoid getting manipulated.
There are, of course, many ways people get manipulated, including con-games, Grifting, and protection schemes. We see manipulation every day when we turn our TVs on and watch the mindless commercials trying to sell worthless junk to us. For this reason, we are only going to discuss common techniques to manipulate others through their emotions. Children learn this technique very early on, and unfortunately, many adults continue the practice.
People enjoy manipulating others because it gives them a sense of power. It makes them feel important. It makes them think they are large and in charge. It’s a power trip that really comes down to one thing…greed.
We probably have all met people like this. Many of us may be dealing with people like this on a daily basis. I highly recommend a book called “Boundaries” as it teaches you to say “no” when you need to.
People that are especially good at manipulation know how to play their role really well and you will likely never see their fiery darts coming at you until half your defenses on fire and in danger of turning to ash.
So, without further ado, let’s discuss the common methods of manipulation.
1) Challenging Your Self Esteem
This form of manipulation is used to make you do something you have second thoughts about. It’s most common among parents trying to get their children to do something they are afraid of, like ride that big rollercoaster that they are deathly afraid of. Here are the phrases to watch out for:
This form of manipulation isn’t ALWAYS bad if used lightly. When I took my daughters to an amusement park last year, they were all geared up and excited to ride the big rollercoasters … until they saw them. I wanted to take them on a small one at first, just to get them used to the idea. They started having second thoughts, so I said “Aww come on. I know you were excited. You can be brave, right?”
Notice I didn’t use the word “Chicken” or use a demeaning tone.
Sometimes at work, our bosses may use the “D” form above to encourage us to go above and beyond what we think we can do. This isn’t always bad, but sometimes they may use this to take advantage of the employees as well.
2) Guilt
This form of manipulation is downright evil. It’s primary goal is finding a way to get to you through an aspect of your life that goes against your moral upbringing and using it in a way to make you do their demands. It’s very much like blackmail.
Here are some key phrases to watch out for:
Served with the proper acting, this one can be a doozy.
3) Fear
This form of manipulation plays on your fear to get you to do what they want you to.
Here are some key phrases:
When the manipulator finds your breaking points, they will put the knife in deep and twist it and twist it until you can be heard screaming a mile away. Once they get you to do what they want, they will use that fear to keep you on their path. This one is devastating and affects many people today.
4) The Undying Need to Be Needed
This form is used in relationships commonly in seduction situations where the manipulator preys on the victim’s need to be needed and liked. It is often seen in phrases like the following:
Both of those phrases will leave the victim wondering if they should have done things differently to keep the manipulator around. It’s an uphill battle that can never be won. If the victim falls for the trick and gives in, the next time, the manipulator will demand more.
5) True Love
This goes hand in hand with Guilt. It’s very common among children to their parents. Watch for the following:
It’s sad when adults use this trick to get their lover / spouse to give in.
6) Social Status
This is another one that is quite common among children, but I have seen it among many adults as well. It usually sounds something like this:
I tried this a lot when I was a kid. My parents response…is something I use today with my own daughters…”If all your friends jumped off of a bridge, would you follow them?”
7) Paybacks
Another classic. In this situation, someone may offer to do something for you that seems too good to be true. Then, after a bit, they ask you for a favor and guilt you into doing it because of the fantastic thing they did for you. Remember, if it seems too good to be true, it usually is.
8 ) Pity / Emotional Manipulation
Another classic. This one actually draws from almost every other form of manipulation and can come in several forms. The goal is to get your pity so that no matter what the manipulator does or says, you feel bad for leaving. It goes something like this:
As you can see, this whole thing is nothing more than an emotional rollercoaster designed to manipulate the victim into feeling bad about themselves or the manipulator to coerce them into doing something against their better judgment.
Parents, you will see these signs among your children. Children are pros at it. Nip it in the bud as soon as you can. Do not fall victim to it. Teach the kids why this is wrong.
However, if you see several of these warning signs in other adults, run, don’t walk, in the other direction. Protect your emotions, your heart and even your loved ones from emotional manipulators. Nothing good can come of it.
Trying to integrate my blog with my facebook a little better. Let me know if you see this on my Facebook.
Ever wonder what it would be like to be God’s Favorite? If someone were to not only let you know that you are God’s Favorite, but offered to hand deliver you to Him this very moment, what would you say? What if the method of delivery meant you had to die a very painful death by having your blood drained through your feet in order to preserve your beauty?
That’s the mission that The Bride Collector is on. He is out to find the seven most beautiful women in the world and personally deliver them to God for him to choose as His bride.
Brad, an FBI agent that is hot on his trail is determined to catch The Bride Collector, but not without a little help from a very unlikely source: The residents of a mental institution exclusively for the extremely gifted. One of the members, Paradise, has the extraordinary gift of being able to see the last few moments of someone’s life.
The Bride Collector is Ted’s 2nd book with Hachette Publishing, and I have to say, I really like the direction Ted is taking with this publisher. In my opinion, this is Ted Dekker’s best book to date. Sure, I enjoyed The Circle Series, The Paradise Novels and the Lost Books, but I was ready for something completely different. And Ted delivered something completely different, that’s for sure.
Boneman’s Daughters was the first book he wrote for Hachette in which I feel he changed his writing style up tremendously. Everything I loved about Boneman’s Daughters is greatly improved upon in The Bride Collector: The plot keeps you on the edge of your seat and will have you wondering until the very end how the story will resolve; The characters are very well written and like Boneman, we get an excellent insight into the point of view of the bad guy, something rare in fiction from a Christian point of view; and most of all, the spiritual application is even more apparent. In addition, the one aspect that Ted really added in this story is humor. While I know that Ted has a great sense of humor, it really comes out in this story. I had to laugh when I saw his homage to some of his earlier Circle works as well. I don’t want to spoil how he did this, but what a great way to pay tribute. Even the naming of a character pays tribute to Ted’s previous works.
So what can we take home from reading this book? In this story, we discover that some of us really aren’t unlike The Bride Collector in some aspects. How many of us try to impress God with all we do and say, yet fall short of the mark? How many of US would think that Jesus was crazy for all of our ideals that He tossed aside for the sake of loving our neighbors or worse, our enemies?
I highly recommend this novel. If you do not believe that God has a favorite, this may change your opinion.
Wow. It’s been a long time since I have actually sat down to write a new song. My girls have kept me so busy, but it’s all good! I love it. Being “Daddy” is the best job in the world.
The last song I recorded, “Nameless” about 7 months ago was not actually a new song, but one that I originally wrote 3 YEARS ago. Joe Flint wrote the lyrics to that one maybe 2 years prior to that while in Iraq. I had it all recorded and when going through “cleaning” up my files on my hard drive, I found that gem sitting there. It was HORRIBLE. Production quality was nowhere near my standards. It was generally a big hunk of cheese disguised as a song. I almost archived it once and for all but something inside me told me to give it another shot. So I did.
It’s found a home on the upcoming “one:nine” project “North Flew South For The Winter.”
Anyway, last weekend I was getting ready for the day on Saturday, taking my shower and all at once, the new melody hit me. Now, when I come up with melodies, I usually insert random lyrics just to work out the melody smoothly. Usually those random lyrics are some sort of nonsense or the lyrics to Amazing Grace. (Since those lyrics work with just about any tune imaginable). The lyrics probably started out as nonsense, but they were fun. I had this “heavier guitar” riff in my head and started singing about making a choice on what kind of song to write…a rock song or a pop song. Then I realized that as much I thought Midiboy was “done” that I missed doing that project.
I started asking myself….”Why is Midiboy done?”
Originally, I thought Midiboy was done for the following reasons…
1) Traditionally, Midiboy was 2 people. Myself and Joe. Joe got really busy with his duties in the Army, and now with his duties at the hospital.
2) Midiboy implies just one person. It’s not Midiboys.
3) Midiboy is an electronica project. People don’t seem to care much about electronic music any longer. I didn’t want to be locked into doing just electronica. I figured with “one:nine”, I could still experiment with programming and electronica treatments, since quite a bit of modern rock music incorporates that now.
4) I don’t really use MIDI much, if at all, any longer. Haven’t really since Synthpops, and even then only very little.
5) I felt that if I wanted to bring in guest musicians I couldn’t because that doesn’t fit the “spirit” of the style of Midiboy.
Then I asked myself one more question…
So what?
While Joe is still busy, there is no reason Midiboy can’t continue to exist. I just talked to Joe a few days ago, and while he hasn’t had time to write, it doesn’t mean he won’t. He is also still hoping to be able to do artwork and such as well.
So what if Midiboy implies one person. When has Midiboy ever been one person? My wife even sang backup on one song and she’s not even a boy. And that’s ok. Alan Parson’s various projects always featured many musicians. In fact, he’s had whole songs that he didn’t even write, sing or in anyway perform on other than producing it for the album. So, Midiboy at this point, is a brand name that people recognize. In fact, I’d bet that just about any electronica band in the Christian music genre that is over 5 years old probably knows who I am. Granted, there aren’t a lot, but Midiboy has been on quite a few compilation CDs and remix CDs / contests to where as a brand name, it’s recognizable by a small number of genre specific people. Of course, my association with Ted Dekker is probably more widely known, but that’s fine because everyone that knows of my association there is also aware of my musical background as well.
As far as the electronica aspect, I know it’s not the most widely appreciated music by the general listening audience, but you know what? I don’t like a lot of the music that is appreciated by the general listening audience. I can only take so much Top 40 music before I start to feel my IQ dropping. While electronica isn’t widely appreciated, those that enjoy it tend to enjoy intelligent music. I want to keep providing that.
As for the MIDI aspect, oh well. I get asked almost daily what MIDI stands for. Ok, maybe not daily, but quite often. I recently upgraded from Sony’s ACID Pro 5 to version 7. It has some very good Soft Synth features which I will likely start using, That’s MIDI folks. Heh.
As far as guest musicians, again…so what. Many “solo” artists bring in guests. Why is that a problem? It’s not.
So there you have it.
If you stuck with me this long, first let me say “Thank you” for reading. I think I’m just rambling at this point. Keep your eyes here and I will put up a link to a downloadable version of “Rockstar” in a day or two.
Also, I thought it would be fun to do an updated version of a couple of past songs. Anyone have any votes on what songs they would like to hear redone? Preferably from Midi-Life Crisis, STO or Synthpops. Maybe some of you long time fans know of a song never released that you’d like to hear updated and released.
Let me know. Sound off. Be heard. And stuff.
This is something that I have heard more than once in my life. As much as I say that I once disagreed with this statement wholeheartedly, after really thinking about it, I agree 100%.
Before you get all mad at me and think I’ve lost my mind, think about it. Really. The very word “Christian” in it’s origin, was always derogatory. It was meant as an insult to the first Christians. Yet they wore the label proudly. Many American Christians have lost what it really means to be a Christian. Ask any one that has been a missionary in a third world country. They will tell you that the Christians over there are a lot different. They don’t take their faith for granted. They know that at any moment they could be killed for stating what they believe in.
They are willing to LOSE IT ALL to serve Jesus.
Yet in our country we preach our prosperity gospels. For some reason we think that God wants us to have our heart’s desires. We quote Matthew 7:7 as our mantra. “Seek and you will find. Knock and the door will be opened to you. Ask and you shall receive.” We seem to think that this verse means that our heart’s desires will be given to us if all we do is ask. But, it’s really not talking about Earthly wants and desires, but rather our true needs. Sure, Christ COULD have died and saved us ALL without us having to ask, but that’s not at all what happened. He wants us to seek, knock and ask. He didn’t create us to be puppets at his own beck and call. We have to realize that no matter what we do, we cannot save ourselves. We have to admit that we are losers without Him. We have to ask Him to save us.
Yes, people. Jesus is for losers. The Self Made need not apply.
I remember back in the 90s when Steve Taylor released an ablum called Squint, he had a song called “Jesus Is For Losers.” Naturally, this raised my eyebrow, but after I read the lyrics, I really came to appreciate what was being said. Check out these lyrics. The one line that really gets me every single time I hear it…Jesus is for losers…broken at the foot of the cross. I love it.
Jesus Is For Losers
Just as I am
I am stiff-necked and proud
Jesus is for losers
Why do I still play to the crowd?
Just as I am
Pass the compass, please
Jesus is for losers
I’m off about a hundred degrees
If I was groping
Groping around for some ladder to fame
I am ashamed
If I was hoping
Hoping respect would make a sturdy footstool
I am a fool
Bone-weary every climb
Blindsided every time
Just as I am
I am needy and dry
Jesus is for losers
The self-made need not apply
Just as I am
In a desert crawl
Lord, I’m so thirsty
Take me to the waterfall
And if you’re certain
Certain your life is some cosmic mistake
Why do you shake?
And if you’re certain
Certain that faith is some know-nothing mask
Why do you still ask?
They don’t grade here on the curve
We both know what we deserve
Just as you are
Just a wretch like me
Jesus is for losers
Grace from the blood of a tree
Just as we are
At a total loss
Jesus is for losers
Broken at the foot of the cross
Just as I am
Pass the compass, please
Jesus is for losers
I’m off about a hundred degrees
Just as I am
In a desert crawl
Lord, I’m so thirsty
Take me to the waterfall
Still working on the new album, which the title is still up in the air, though I think I am going to settle with “North Flew South For The Winter” as that title is just too unique not to use. I have about 11 songs written, but may not use them all. Not sure yet.
Don’t forget to check out the samples I have by clicking on the Listen link over on the right.
Still waiting for some guest vocals and guitar to be laid down on a few tracks as well.
People are very busy this time of year.
As you may know, my wife and I are leaving this evening to attend an event called “The Gathering” which will be the third annual event. The first one had only about 25 people attend (which was put together by just a few of us, but we had a blast). Last year’s event had 300 people attend, and this year, well, let’s just say it has more than doubled.
Like last year, this year’s event is being hosted by Ted Dekker, the author of the books that the event corresponds to. In the series of books, the event called The Gathering was a time when all the followers of Elyon (God) got together for a time of fellowship, fun and reflection. A time to put aside the cares of the world to honor the One we all live for. It’s going to be a lot of fun.
I cannot wait! We are leaving tonight right after work, going to drive just about half way, hopefully go to King’s Island tomorrow, though the weather looks like it may put a “damper” on that. Then tomorrow, we will spend the night at another hotel, and then wake up bright eyed and bushy tailed to drive the rest of the way into Nashville, arriving sometime Thursday afternoon.
We will leave on Sunday, drive about half way and stay at a bed and breakfast for a couple of nights just to spend some time together and relax without having to worry about anything.
Our girls will be staying with my mom and step-dad and just blessing the socks off of them. Or something like that.
I am really going to miss my girls though.
This morn as I was saying goodbye to them, Katie gave me 7 kisses. One for each day that we will be gone so that I won’t be short any kisses. That was just about the sweetest thing ever.
I decided that an all new site design deserved an all new blog. No more “powered by xanga” on a third party site. I learned how to integrate WordPress right into my own site for a much cleaner look.
This blog will likely contain mostly music updates, but I am sure personal / family updates will leak into here as well.
Since you are here, check out some of the newest songs. [popup]New Songs[/popup]